Saturday Morning of Memorial Day Weekend

I felt you this morning
In my prayers
You were the whole blue sky
and all light.

You were laughter
You were love
You were forgiveness
You were whole
You were time

You were gratitude
You were full
You were the universe contained
You were free.

I felt you this morning
In my prayers
You were everything

Is it so hard to surrender
to stop fighting
Is it so hard
to wash his little paws

Is it so hard
to buy him a toy he likes
even if he already has that same toy
Is it so hard to buy all the unicorns
one in every color

Is it so hard to buy him healthy food
that he wants to eat
and vitamins
and treats

Is it so hard to call his friends
for a play date
Is it so hard to call the doctor
when he has a bump or a sticker or a scratch

Is it so hard to keep his curls neat
to keep him dry from the rain
to buy him clothes that fit
or have a birthday party for him

Is it so hard to be a mother

Is it so hard to shield him from bullies
or those that would harm him
or shut.any.threat.down.

Is it so hard to keep a man around
who would protect him
is it so hard to take him for a run or teach him yoga and prayers
Is it so hard to tell him he could be anything and he's beautiful and strong and smart
Is it so hard not to break his heart
Is it so hard not break his spirit
Is it so hard not to break your child

Is it so hard to be a parent
Is it so hard not to scream swear words
Is it so hard not to hit
Is it so hard not to throw things
Is to so hard not to bang your head on the wall until there's a dent in the wall
Is it so hard not to shriek "I should have had an abortion of you!"
"Everyone born your year was an accident and an unwanted child!"
"My mother didn't want me either!"
"Just wait til you have kids!"
"Stop being so hysterical!"
"Your grandmother wasn't interested in you!"
"I'm not going to kill myself to make it easier for anyone else"
Is it so hard not to give your child away
because he wouldn't sit still and read a book
when he was five. 

I thought it would be too hard
to love someone more than I love myself
It's not that hard.